


elizabeth, you were born to play that part

by spheeris1



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Ghosts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-05-18
Packaged: 2018-01-25 14:42:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1652366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spheeris1/pseuds/spheeris1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>one-shot :: Beth POV :: angsty ghost love :: 'You catch the break, right at the end of your name as it slips past her lips; you hear the way she cannot let you go, a syllable tripping over the tongue before she can get herself sorted out again – and then it is gone, smoothed out like a wrinkle and pressed away by the palms of her hands.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	elizabeth, you were born to play that part

/ /

You catch the break, right at the end of your name as it slips past her lips; you hear the way she cannot let you go, a syllable tripping over the tongue before she can get herself sorted out again – and then it is gone, smoothed out like a wrinkle and pressed away by the palms of her hands.

No one else ever seems to notice these instances, though. Or – if they do – they do not mention it aloud, keeping certain suspicions locked away. It's just one more secret, after all, and theirs is a life made up of half-truths.

And one gets used to the silence of lying anyway.

But you hear what she is not saying, all day and all night, and maybe that's because you cannot avoid it, maybe that's because you cannot leave this place, maybe that's because you are stuck in a loop of the living...

...even though you are dead.

/ /

You get angry – at yourself, at her – when you watch her fall apart and can only stare, as helpless now as you ever were. And you think of all you could have done, had you been thinking clearly, had you been safe inside of your own skin... you think of your hands overlapping hers, staring down at a line of glass bottles, and the ricochet of lust that careened through your blood as the gun-shot kicked her back into your chest...

You get angry – at her, at yourself – when you linger by her side as she cries and as she feels lost and as she drinks more and more. And you want to grab her, beg her to be stronger, but that would make you the biggest of hypocrites, and so you stand in the shadows... unable to move on, unwilling to fade away...

You get angry. At yourself. At her. At everything.

/ /

She sleeps in fits and starts, her body twisted into odd angles by the time rest actually arrives, and you take a chance once the dust settles and you lay down beside her.

And you study her face for hours, you listen intently to each inhale and exhale, you count her heartbeats until you swear you can feel them beneath a ribcage you no longer own.

And you reach out, slowly, stopping just short of her cheek, and you wait to see how well you wear bravery now that being brave doesn't matter much anymore.

And she is only a hair's breadth away, close enough to feel her heat, and still you hesitate... and so you remember, memories dancing along the underside of your eyelids – the shy corners of a smile, a bowed head coming to stop upon your shoulder, the fearful way in which you held her – and still you hesitate to the point of pulling back...

...to the point of shrinking away, forever terrified of love - whether you are alive or not.

/ /

You catch the break, right at the end, and you wish you could put it all back together again – your sanity, her heart – and she cannot let you go... you cannot let her go... and so you hover in-between the gaps of Alison Hendrix's life...

…a name, a memory, a grief that cannot be swallowed down...

...and you get used to the silence because it is all you have left now.

/ /

**(end)**

**Author's Note:**

> title is a Ryan Adams song (which served as the primary inspiration); additional musical influence from 'Stain' by Sophie Jamieson


End file.
